In the Beginning

This post is not for the faint of heart. This blog is not for the high and mightys. It's not even for the goodie goodies. This post is written and released for those who truly believe in miracles. It's for those who DON'T believe in miracles. It's for anyone who has ever been caught in the grips of a demon that could never be conquered without the blood of Jesus. This post is also written for those with loved ones who are lost in a sin-sick world with a hopeless outlook. And lastly this post has been written to let all who read it be fully and completely aware of a man named Jesus who came to set the captives free. He came and gave His life so that we may have it more abundantly. Be blessed by my experience...

I grew up in a single parent home as an only child for years until my brother's dad went to prison and he came to live with me and my mom. I considered us middle class because we weren't rich but we always got exactly what we wanted. We never went without. Sometimes she worked two jobs just to make sure all ends met.

I was an intelligent student who always made honor roll. I loved to read and write. I loved to meet new friends and talk to different people. I had a bubbly personality and was always very extroverted.

When we moved into our new house in 1993 I met a new family next door that would change my entire life as I knew it. There were 4 sisters and 1 brother. Immediately we connected and I made best friends with the sister who was my age. We were together everyday; at school, in class, afterschool, on the weekends. We were inseperable. Over the next 4 years I became a part of their family. And they were a part of mine. Our happy family was torn apart when their father had violated not only their right to virginity, but mine as well. He went to jail, they moved away, and I was alone, wondering why my best friends had been taken away from me. '

We all eventually reconnected. Each of us had picked up an addiction and some sort of co-dependent relationship. By the age of 18 I had taken care of a set of twins, a paraplegic 400 lb woman who was also addicted and co-dependent, and dropped out of high school my senior year. My life was spiraling out of control and the only way I knew to solve this issue was to end it all.

At 18 and a half years old I tried to take my own life. There was a huge void in my life. Like an enormous abyss that I could not fill. There was not enough Jack Daniels, Xenax, or cocaine to cover it anymore. Something was missing.

As a small child I stood alone in a wide open field and stared at a blue sky that was speckled with white puffy clouds. As magnificent as it was I knew that there must be something or someone out there bigger than all of us that made all of this beauty possible.

I did not succeed at suicide, but the doctor was amazed that I had taken enough pills to kill a large cow, yet I stared her in the face after they yanked that tube out of my stomach and through my nose to pump charcoal into my esophagus. A miracle, and I was still blind.

I would spend the next 8 years chasing drugs, dancing in night clubs, in and out of treatment centers, and fighting an addiction that was undefeated by anyone on earth. I was a liar, a cheater, and a thief. I had sold myself to complete strangers and even caused some bodily harm. I had seen the face of the Devil himself and sold my soul to him. I knew I would die that way.

In February 2010 my probation officer gave me the option of going back to treatment or going to prison and on March 11 I checked into my last treatment center. Throughout my life I had seen many things, been many places, commited crimes, and put myself in situations where anyone would have been dead. Somewhere in my dark hardened heart I knew Jesus could save me, but He hadn't. I could never understand why I couldn't stay off drugs. I couldn't comprehend why- even with kids, a loving family, and a wonderful church- I could not be normal.

I have learned so many lessons since I was delivered that year. One that sticks out is this: sometimes the thing we go through are not for ourselves but for someone else. The mistakes we make will teach someone else. And our testimonies will save another life. Jesus works in my life today in ways I could spend the rest of my life trying to explain. There is someone out there in this world right now who is caught up in a sin-sick life and doesn't know that there is hope. When she finds this post she'll know that she is loved and can get well... Just the way I did...with nothing but the Blood of Jesus

Be Inspired...to be better!