As women I believe we have some sort of strand in our DNA that allows us to put on a happy face for the sake of everyone else's happiness; to make sure that we don't inconvenience anyone else with our own battles. And especially as strong women of God we try hard at times to appear strong at all times. Well I am here to tell you that what truly makes us strong is admitting when everything is not okay.
This weekend I was not OK.
was blessed when I received a word from God letting me know that I would have to make peace with some people I'd been unconsciously holding resentments against. It was also brought to my attention that I would have to get honest about some things I had been dishonest about last year. It was a bit much to swallow within 3 days but I'm willing to do whatever it takes to deepen this relationship I have with my savior. Saturday evening I found myself plotting how I would approach each situation and I had nothing. I prayed and wrote in my journal...meditated for a minute, but still nothing. As I lay in my bed that night I cried out to God in the name of Jesus to show me the way. One thing I do know is that I am nothing and can do nothing without Him. shortly after I became very hopeful that I would get my answer at church the next morning.
And just like He always is, God was faithful and gave me hope and filled me with joy from the powerful word I had received. In my spirit dwelled a strong urge to confess some things to my spiritual leader, and right after church I asked her to speak with me in confidence. I felt so heavy carrying the unconfessed sin that I had no problem letting it out to her when we were alone. I felt better, but there was still work to do.
When I arrived at my house I began to catchup on some housework I had not finished the previous evening, and I started t feel that heaviness come over me again. It went on all afternoon and into the night. I turned on some classical music, lit some incense, and sat down to do some homework. I was up until 2:30 am with my eyes glued to a computer screen. when I woke up again this morning I was exhausted and still heavy. This evil spirit had gotten the best of me for long enough. I had identified him as the devil, but I did not talk back to him. Consequently I was still burdened by this ugly darkness. I had tried to make contact with the people I needed to make peace with and was unsuccessful. My spirit was still uneasy. I called my pastor and talked for a while. When I got off the phone I ran the devil as far into the ground as I could with his sick lies.... And then I smiled and praised God very loudly.
As just a babe in Christ I am not perfect and not nearly have I arrived. I still fall short and I have some roots that are deep within my heart. I pray constantly for the Lord to remove these roots and give me the mind to be the woman He would have me to be. Sometimes I allow the devil to infect my spirit with his deceitfulness. And I pick myself up and call him on his bluff. I am so grateful for the church family I have, a place of refuge where I can go, and be free to show God exactly who I am so He can fix me. He is the only one who can.
If you are or have ever allowed the devil to consume your thoughts you know how it feels to be in bondage. There is power in the living breathing word of God and we can all find hope there. If the devil is telling you what a horrible screw up you are he is the the author and father of lies, and firmly let him know he has no place in your house. Be encouraged, be uplifted, be blessed.
Be inspired...to be better!