Friday, January 11, 2013


This morning started out normally for me. I dragged myself out of bed and had a cup of coffee. Yes, coffee. It was actually my second cup since Wednesday including the Chai Latte I enjoyed last night while doing homework. Its not such a big deal to me anymore. And I'm glad for that. I thought i was going to become one of those coffee drinkers that take it intravenously! I have incorporated more tea into my diet. I've also decreased my intake of red meat. I don't really know why. I just have. And that's alright with me.

I realized this morning that I posted a remark on Instagram a while back that summed up the way I would like to be. It read: "Truth: I will never be skinny... my body will never be perfect. But i will push myself to every mental, physical, and spiritual limit. And that is enough."

My pre-infant body was amazing. my legs ran all the way up my back, my rear end was tight, my breast were small and perky, and my stomach was not a washboard, but it was flat as a pancake. there was also a time where I was really focused and determined- it was a very long time ago, but that time did exist. In my days of early recovery from drugs I spent alot of time at the feet of Jesus and talked to Him. I listened to Him. I found comfort in being there, and following His guidance. Somewhere along the way all of these things were minimized. Not that they weren't important, but I found distractions. I turned an ear to the sly old Devil thinking that what i wanted was important. I ate whatever I wanted to. And I slacked off in areas in which I could not afford to slack off. By the end of November 2012 I was convinced that I had totally messed up my life and more importantly my relationship with God. I found out I had 4 Chakras that were inactive, I hated my job, I failed my math class, and I just felt so oppressed.

I looked back on that Instagram post that I had created 4 months ago and noticed that today in this very moment I am pushing myself to limits I did not know I could reach. I'm not perfect. All of my "i's" are not dotted and every "t" is not crossed, but I find myself back in the realm of The Holy Trinity. I read more verses. I pick up my devotional EVERYDAY. I pray, I meditate. An exercise regimen has been adopted. A healthy eating plan has been established and I'm in the swing of getting homework done.

I like the person I'm becoming. I've experienced some mountains along the way, but the valleys are what have truly made me who I am. They have made me appreciate the view when I reach the peak. I thank God for all He's done for me, and even all that He hasn't done. I shall continue to strive. I will continue to push... and to anyone who is reading this that might be discouraged please know: Mistakes must be made in order for us to learn, but that doesn't mean we have to make them all ourselves. If you've fallen into a trap that the devil has set for you, it's not okay, and you need to get back immediately in the realm of Holiness. The best place to find comfort, peace, and everlasting joy is at the feet of Jesus. The best voice to listen to is the one of the Holy Spirit. It leads us and guides us into ALL truth.

Be be better!

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